Something I Can Never Have
by Suicidal Act
Summary: “I love you.” I repeated, I herd him say the same. And at this point, I had never been so content in my life.


Eclipse:

Something I can never have.

"_Edward.."_

I sighed. About two years ago I met the love of my life, Edward Cullen. He is amazing, in fact, I didn't know what amazing meant until he came into my life. The guy is unnaturally gorgeous, and he is such a gentlemen. His skin practically glitters in the sun, and he is unbelievably strong.

I would never think a man like him existed. Oh wait, that's right, a man like that doesn't exist. Edward is…dead. Yes his heart has stopped beating but he is very much alive. His skin does glitter like a bag of sparkles has been dumped on him, and he is about a thousand times stronger then the average male. He also has no reflection and has an unusual diet of blood. Guess what he is yet?

_Edward is a vampire._

Yes, yes I know. Am I crazy? I might be, in fact I might be cynically insane…..but I highly doubt it. It does seem rather odd to have a vampire as a boyfriend though. Him and his family aren't the typical vampires. They do crave human blood yes….but they don't go through Forks massacring people to fill their thirst. In fact they feed off of animals, and try to focus on the over populated areas.

Did I mention the fact that he can also read minds? It's another vampire thing, just like his sister Alice can see into the future, his brother Jasper can control emotions, his other brother Emmett is extremely strong….and his other sister Rosalie, well she has the ability to be incredibly pig headed. Odd thing is the only mind he can't read is mine, neither of us know why though.

Anyways, ever since I fell in love with him, which was about a month after I met him, I wanted be to be vampire just like him. If I did, I would be able to be with him forever. When you're a vampire, you can never die, and you don't sleep. There are a lot of myths about vampires such as the whole 'sleeping in a coffin thing' or the 'can't go into the sunlight' thing. Probably some people who have no life and are just trying to belittle things that they don't understand.

No one knows the Cullen's are vampires besides me, Jacob and Billy, and they only know because Jacob is a werewolf. Billy is Jacobs father and a good friend of mine. Charlie doesn't even know, Charlie is my father. Him and my mother got divorced awhile ago, that's when I moved here to Forks with my father. He is a little suspicious about how Edward is always appearing everywhere, oh did I mention vampires are super fast? They also like to drive ridiculously fast, trust me, I've had first hand experience.

Anyways, after I fell in love with him. I wanted to be just like him, I wanted to be with him forever. On the other hand he disagrees, and he makes sure I know that he does. He says he doesn't care if I get old, but I do. Edward is only seventeen and he will stay seventeen forever seeing as that's the time he got bit and turned into a vampire. Me? I'm nineteen I _was _seventeen when I first met him. But we agreed that once I was out of high school, he would changed me.

Who am I? My name is Isabella Swan, I prefer Bella though. I'm the one who is caught in this crazy mess, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Edward is like my drug, I'm addicted to him. He seems to think the same for me.

Today is the day though, the day Edward agreed to change me. He had warned me about what might happen. About how for three days there would be excruciating pain everywhere and that I would wish for death, even though in the end I would end up dieing.

I'm sitting here now with him…err…laying, I'm on their soft, red velvet couch. His family is gathered around me. Charlie isn't here, he doesn't have a clue about anything, sooner or later I would have to tell him though when I come him with golden eyes, death white skin and that I would be able to lift up furniture.

Edward is on his knees next to me, holding my hand. His eyes are full of fear, he truly doesn't want to do this. But I do, I want to be with him ,and I don't intend to give it up. I hear him sigh and look around at his family, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett are there. His parents are also there, Esme and Carlsile. He looks over at Carlsile, his gaze is returned by a comforting one.

"It's alright Edward, you know what to do." Edward nods, he looks over at me again with pleading eyes.

"Please Bella, tell me you are having second thoughts."

"I'm not, I already told you Edward this is what I want." I say, and squeeze his hand in reassurance. He is more nervous about this then I am. He nods, his head then reaches up and his places a soft hiss upon my lips.

"I love you." He says.

"I love you too." I reply.

He his tender kisses then trail down to the base of my shoulder. They are soft and sweet, and I wanted more of them. I finally feel a sharp stab of pain in my shoulder, followed by a wave of pain. It felt as if a fire was soaring from my head to my toes. I screamed. The pain was unbearable, I could still feel Edwards hand in mine, and I concentrated on that. If I didn't, I might go insane. The focus only lasted for about a minute before I was screaming again. It was horrible, I was in my own personal hell. But this is what I wanted, I would have to bear through it, because in the end I knew I would be happy.

It went on for three days, the pain. Each day it got worse, more unbearable. I couldn't speak, anything I did hurt. I had screamed myself raw, now the only thing that came out of my mouth was dry wails. The whole time I felt Edward next to me, he didn't leave once, and he was about the only thing that kept my mind in place.

By midnight on the third day it was done. My heart stopped and so did the pain. My eyes opened, I figure I had passed out from the pain. I looked over at Edward, he seemed relieved that everything went well, or as well could get. He leaned over and kissed me hungrily.

"I love you." He murmured out.

"I love you too" I replied.

I then saw myself in the mirror across the room. My once blue eyes were a brilliant gold. My facial features were smooth as smooth can be, and I was as pale as snow. I smiled and saw that I had no fangs, but remembered when Edward had told me the fangs thing was just another myth. I turned to him and kissed him once more before wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug.

"I love you." I repeated, I herd him say the same. And at this point, I had never been so content in my life.

_Now how am I going to explain this to Charlie?_


End file.
